简介
ParisBarclay
加布里埃尔·伯恩,霍普·戴维斯,麦克·道尔,格林·特鲁曼,黛安·韦斯特,艾丽森·皮尔
美国剧
美国
2009
30You know, it's not dogma. It's a basic tenet of our profession. If you take action in your patients' lives, you cause them to become dependent on you. You cripple them.You don't just listen. You make observations. You ask questions. You make interpretations. You encourage people to look at the patterns of their behavior. They want to be loved, even by me. They want a child, or they want to be my child. They want a parent who loves them. They want attention, they want affection. They want hope, they want pills, and they want sex. But if she were capable of receiving love and support, she wouldn't be coming to you for them. That's her real problem. And until it's treated, she won't be able to take anyone's advice. And that's why she needs therapy. -You'd always rather yell than think. -What don't I want to think about?-Then why am I failing them? -It's not about you, Paul. You know, they're human beings. They're struggling with profound problems. If only you could find courage to sit with the fact that what we do is hard and sometimes, it makes you feel like an idiot. It's a humbling profession. And if you lack anything as a therapist, it's humility. Somehow you have to learn to tolerate the fact that we don't save people. We can't. -I don't want to see my patients. -See your patients, Paul. Act as if you believe you're helping. 31You haven't lost your father. He's still in your life, but you did lose the father that you thought you had. He didn't refute your mother's version of events. "Mia, born to a depressed mother, idealizes her father so as not to feel completely alone. And this week, after finally confronting him, she can see her dad for who he really is." It is shattering, but if you can now move beyond that connection to your father it may open the possibility of finding love elsewhere. I just felt like the bed was safe and the living room was scary. You want what I can't give you. Blaming me for not giving you what you need when you needed it. - I felt like I had nothing before. Now I have less than nothing. Thank you. You've helped me to realize that I've made poor choice after poor choice my whole life. - But you also have to realize, Mia, that you're at a critical juncture in you life, that now you do have the self-knowledge to make different, better choices. And sometimes when you're on the verge of real change, that's when you fight the hardest. -Do you really think that getting married is going to make it all better? Do you have any idea of how many married people, how many parents feel as empty as you do? And what about that made you feel good? Have you ever considered that maybe it's not about a child, Mia, or a husband? Maybe that's just a picture in your head from your family, from your friends, from the culture. Not everyone needs that to live a full and contented life. Maybe what you really want, Mia, is to feel connected, authentically connected to somebody or something else. - And we bothe know that I can't have that. -It's been your way of communicating to both of us what you need. You've also been honest, caring. You've made yourself vulnerable. You've shown me who you really are. And you haven't walked away.32She used to say, "A mother is only as happy as her least happy child."It's difficult to be the one who survives.- Did I make it all up? - No. You just got rerouted. Your life's path has changed without your consent. It must be so hard to handle. But sometimes, we just have to act as if we do.I mean, you've learned so much about yourself, about trust and acceptance, about not needing to be perfect all the time. I mean, I know it's hard to see that now, but the great thing about self-knowledge is that once you have it... you have it. And you can't help but put it into use. You still have challenges ahead of you, that's why I think you really need to keep talking to somebody. 33What he really needs now is a home where he can feel safe. You need to build that for him. - The truth is, there's a good chance things are gonna get worse for Oliver and for you. For a long time, he is going to be very angry at you. And you're gonna have to keep loving him, no matter what. You're gonna have to let him have his anger. And you're gonna have to take it, just let him be who he is. - So just take it? - And keep showing up.You know, once when I was about your age, I saw my dad cry. He was having a big fight with my mom. They were yelling at each other. I just wanted them to stop. I guess I wanted them to be... to be just happy. And it made me so pissed when I found out that they weren't. Well, I stayed pissed at them for a long time. And then I realized that even though my mom and dad got upset, and they made big mistakes sometimes, they still loved me.If you're not getting something that you need, tell them. If you don't understand why something is happening, say 'Can you please explain this to me?' And if things get really upsetting and confusing, call me. That way we can work together to try and solve the problem. 34It can be hard to live your life, to be genuinely fulfilled, when a part of your true self is locked away.35- I acted as if I believed I really was help. - And did that help? - To be honest, I was kind of skeptical at first. I felt a bit like a hypocrite, and they'd see that. - Of course you'd feel that way. - But then weirdly enough, something started to happen. I was talking to Oliver's dad about the responsibility of what it means to be a father and keeping in touch with your kid. Really, I was talking for both of us. But I think I reached him. I mean, I was still doubting myself, but I just kept at it, you know? I just couldn't believe that something so simple could actually work. And it kept working, you know? - You're a good therapist. And I'm sure you did a lot of good work this week, despite how uncertain you felt. They both think that the world is supposed to be on their shoulders, and they're both incapable of receiving support.- Practicing this way, I may never know whether I help people or not. It's not like I'm trying to get them to pass their driving test or do better on their SATs or something. The only measure I have of whether I'm helping somebody or not is how my patients feel about it and how their lives go on from there. And they won't know that until long after we've stopped therapy. - What are you saying? - I guess what I'm trying to say is that these people come to me, they want me to fix their problems, and the truth is , I think all I can do is just walk with them for a while, keep them company during a rough patch. I don't think anybody's life can be figured out, but it is in our nature to keep trying to make sense of it. And sometimes we can use help. That's when, if we're lucky, there's somebody in the room who can listen. It doesn't have to be somebody perfect, somebody sufficiently screwed up to actually get what we might be going through. - Someone like you. - On occasion. - And not someone like me. - No, Gina. Not for me. Not anymore. The one thing I have figured out... I just need to be with more people. I don't need a break from being a therapist. I need a break from... just from this. You know? I need to stop analyzing my life. I need to start living it. I need you to let me go. - What's the book about? - It's about redemption, I suppose.I never would have survived without you.
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